It seems to me that people put themselves into one of two categories. Either they believe they are good at communication or they believe they are not.
I find that neither of those are completely accurate.
That is because communication is such a broad term, and it carries many different forms. However, we, almost instinctively think of it as verbal.
The verbal communication skills of society is currently terrible.
Many people continue to communicate in ways they learned from their parents so the poor communication skills continue to get passed on from generation to generation. Sometimes, especially if no one has ever thought about it, we often believe we are great communicators. I find that is usually very far from the reality.
Below I will give some examples poor communication followed by ways to change communication skills for the better.
Signs of poor communication skills:
- Being reactive-This creates so many unnecessary arguments. I cannot not stress enough how learning how to be responsive instead of reactive will change your entire life-but that is for another blog.
- Countering-anytime someone tells you how they feel, and you react with "yes but" or something similar you have stopped listening and are countering to argue.
- Over-explaining-you do not have to give an explanation to everyone. In fact, most people don't need at explanation. If you feel one is necessary keep it as short as possible.
- Being vague-when you grow up taking thing personally, communicating directly and assertively often feels very aggressive. Thus, you tend to communicate in vague language and wording. You can say a lot without actually say much.
Does that sound like you? Or someone you know? Would you like some ideas of how to change that?
Try doing the following or a combination thereof:
- Be as direct and short as possible. Meaning do not over explain, and do not use vague phrasing. If someone invites you to an event, and you cannot go, simply say, "Thank you for the invitation. Unfortunately, I have a conflicting event during that time so I will not be able to go." That is direct and to the point while being sincere enough.
- When someone is telling you how they feel repeat back to them what you hear. Start with the phrase, "What I hear you saying" then fill in with what you genuinely hear. This allows, for you as the listener to see what filters you may be putting in place as well as a chance for the speaker to clarify or correct anything they were not actually saying. It can prevent a lot of arguing over what was and wasn't said, and can help the listener understand what they are filtering from their own lens.
- Ask the speaker if they want you to give them advice or if they just want you to listen. Many times we feel we must give advice is response to someone telling us how they feel. While this is well intended, it isn't always what the speaker wants.
Quality Communication skills aren't something that is really taught yet is it something that people believe they inherently have. To which I ask:
What makes you believe you are a good communicator? Have you ever actually asked anyone while also being open to their responses?
Truly reflect on that, and if you'd like to know more about ways to improve communication skills contact me!