What we forget about goals and goal setting and why it can be so discouraging.

How often have you felt discouraged, given up, or quit a goal you had set for yourself? Does it happen a lot? Do you find yourself not able to reach the goals you set? If the answer to any of these is yes, I have some insight that could be useful. Picture yourself taking aim at an archery target. You are poised, steady, and confident. You aim and release. Your arrow misses the bullseye. How would that make you feel? Did you notice what part of the target it did hit? Do you take a deep breath and try again? Do you shift your mindset or do you buckle down? So often, we think of goals as being bullseye moment and that’s it. We have these big, difficult goals, and we put them into this small circle. That takes skill, practice, and perseverance to hit. Yet, we get so discouraged and angry when we don’t hit it.

Confused?

Here’s an example :Let’s say my bullseye goal is to exercise 6 days a week. If that’s my only goal I have already set myself up for frustration and discouragement. Is it reasonable to expect to hit that goal with the first shop. Unlikely. Yet, we still believe it is.

What is that about?

It’s because we have forgotten several things.

• We have forgotten that we are aiming at a target, not just a bullseye. What about the out rings of that target? What if I set my out rings to something more attainable-like working out 4 days a week and 2 days a week? That way if I miss my bullseye I am still hitting the target.
• Our expectations may not match the goal. Meaning if I expect to hit the bullseye of working out 6 days a week when I haven’t consistently been working out then my expectations need to be adjusted. They are too high, and I am setting myself up for discouragement when I don’t hit that bullseye.
• We don’t set subgoals or attainable goals. We tend to laser focus one thing, and forget to set smaller goals in order to help up reach are bullseye one. Also, we tend to forget to make them attainable instead opting for big, lofty ones.
• We forget to give ourselves empathy. We forget to give ourselves grace and understanding. If someone you cared about felt discouraged by not reaching their goal, what would you tell them? Would you be hard on them, or would show them understanding? Would you encourage them? Would you support them? If you would do that for them, why not for yourself?

Remember, we aren't aiming at the bullseye, we are aiming at the target. The outer rings of the target aren't to be scoffed at. They are the subgoals that help us reach the bullseye.

Understanding your mindset, perspective, and expectations about the goals we set can be a huge factor in allowing us to reach our goals. It can be the gateway to accomplishing things you didn’t think were possible. Accepting that you may not hit that target can be one of the most freeing feelings. It does not, in any way, mean you still don’t aim for it or try to reach it. It means you can be okay if you don’t. 

Remember, knowing you are not afraid to fail doesn’t mean you think you won’t. It means you’ve accepted that you can.